The whole idea of this page is inspired by Carl Alexander, but in general this is the page I update several times a year and write about my current status, work and location.
Having written the first retrospective it’s time to update the Now too. Which is more complicated, because I don’t really know what am I doing now. In general, everything is fine, I’m staying in Kaluga for the winter and actually enjoying this truly freezing weather. We spent a great Autumn in Turkey and I had a proper time off, best in years. Trading profits are good this year (can’t say the same for taxes) and I’ve finally launched rsi-alerts.com which was in the works for 6 months already. My 2yr son is already talking like I never did and does so in two languages.
I continue working at Whisk and even though I’m currently not coding anything there, it’s still fun. The product, the mission and the team is great. I can figure out how to play it from here.
All in all, things are good. But I don’t feel any joy about it. None at all. And this is the problem. Post-COVID depression, impostor syndrome, middle-life crisis, my father’s death, general anxiety, burnout or the fact that the whole world is about to spend the next decade paying for the way of how US dealt with COVID – can be anything of these, including everything all together. That is something I will have to deal with in 2022.
In the meantime, with everyone a Happy New Year!
Learning the art of small steps
My absolute favourite advice and lifeplan is going in small steps. There is a great prayer by Antoine de Saint-Exupery which I often send to other people for inspiration and continuously find myself failing to follow it. I am always in a rush for a change, for improving something, someone, somehow. And it is a challenge to just feel the moment and flow with it. A challenge that is constantly draining energy and overall affects my daily routine.
Well, I am determined to master it one day so keep trying. By my own internal measures I am failing all the time yet beginning to feel that the problem is in those measures themselves.
Anyway, right now I am in Kaluga, tending to my 2yr son who accidentally broke his collarbone (yeah, Augusts are tough) and not making any plans apart from daily ones. Being able to do my job, learn a little of something new here and there and stick to morning training routines seems enough for my internal perfectionist. Though, even he is getting nervous with all time highs that SP500 is at right now.
Let this year end
Finally, 2020 is coming to the end. Marc, Lead designer from Whisk asked me if I’m going to take vacation and celebrate it. Celebrate. I said that there is nothing to celebrate (well, except finally releasing Whisk Recipes WordPress plugin at 31.12.2020) and I just wish the year to end. This is true in so many ways that I’d just leave it at that.
I’m meeting New Year in my hometown, Kaluga and it is the first year when I am truly on my own. Just as my father was at my age. History is repeated itself on this one. Will visit his home though, as it is now my (and my sister’s) responsibility.
Initial culture shock after returning from Turkey is gone but I can’t deny that my energy levels are much lower right now. Lack of sun an physical activities is taking a toll on me, so really looking forward to move somewhere in Spring.
14 of August is my son’s birthday. It also is the day I burried my father. He died so unexpectedly and so quickly that it feels almost unreal. I haven’t said so much to him and the simple fact that I never will left massive hole inside of me.
But just before the day he had a stroke I saw him, talked to him and I guess he was happy. This is the only thing that keeps me sane right now. This, and my (only) family.
I’m working remotely at whisk.com as a WordPress developer. My current side project are: